In the past, whenever people would tell me that I’d never attract a person because I was too blunt, I’d always tell them that I was justified in behaving that way. I used to think that I was allowed to build walls around myself to see who would break them down – that way I’d know which people in my life are willing to put up with me at my worst, right? There was something romantic about being chased, about being valuable enough that someone would drop everything to be with me. The person who would win me had to be willing to go the extra mile.
A few years later though, I met a person who seemed to have the same mindset I did. She was someone who purposefully wore an unpleasant mask as a sort of filter to gauge which people were worth trying to start a relationship with. I saw myself in her. Faced with that reflection, that’s when I realized nothing was going to happen if I was just going to keep waiting for the proverbial person who would break down my walls. In the first place, what’s the point of building walls if you’re only waiting for someone to destroy them?
As H told me, if you’re going to build walls, you have to either: a) be ready to accept the probability that maybe no one will be interested in going through all that self-made muck just to take a peek at your soul; or, b) put a door that people can at least go through if they want to get to know you, but you’re not ready to give away everything about you yet. Translation: You have to meet people half-way. You can’t be rude and expect people to like you. You’re not the Queen of Sheba; you’re not entitled to people falling at your feet or becoming your soul mate just because you’re acquainted.
It’s been said that our generation is characterized by entitlement. We think the world owes us everything, and the way I see it, this applies to relationships as well. We keep trying to protect our hearts by pretending we don’t have any, and when people neglect us thinking we’ll survive because we apparently don’t feel anything anyway, that’s when we complain that the world is a cruel, nasty place. I think that you only have a right to complain about relationships that never happened when you made an effort to make the relationship feasible in the first place. But complaining about a relationship that never came to be when you never lifted a finger to prod your story in the direction you wanted it to take – where’s the logic in that?
This is the twenty-first century, a time during which no one waits for miracles anymore. You’ve got to make things happen, preferably in the least complicated way possible.
Photo (c) Ed Gregory @ stokpic.