An Exercise in Theory

As I often say, I’m a plant – a halaman – generally incapable of relating to men when it comes to the strange, spooky world of dating and romance. In any case, I do like to think and theorize, so Zi’s prompt/challenge thing re: the list that Kim Quindlen has posted on ThoughtCatalog interests me. That’s why I’m posting my answers here so that someday I may laugh about this. In the meantime, I’ll answer these thirty questions on my theoretical ideal relationship as seriously as I can.

30 Would-You-Rather Questions To Help You Figure Out What Kind Of Person You Should Be With

1. Would you rather date someone who’s highly ambitious about their career, or someone who cares more about passions outside of work?
I don’t think it would matter much to me, because I’d consider myself fortunate if I ever get to date a guy who’s got a genuine passion. If I really had to choose though, I’d prefer someone who’s ambitious about their career, because I think that if someone has a passion outside of work, he should consider making that passion his job instead. That way he can give his full time, attention, and effort to what he really loves to do.

2. Would you rather be with someone who wants to start a family in the very near future, or someone who’d like to wait a few years to really figure things out?
I’d like to be with someone who’d like to wait a few years to figure things out. But if that person takes too long, then I can’t guarantee I’ll wait.

3. Given the choice, would you want to be in a relationship in which one of you eventually becomes the primary income source and the other is the primary caregiver, or would you rather be in a relationship where both of you work?
I’d rather be in a relationship where we both work. I think working outside the home adds a dimension to one’s life that is essential but is difficult to appreciate. In the first place, I’m the type who believes that the right kind of stress helps a person grow. I think this kind of stress is more easily found outside the home.

4. Would you rather be with a thrill-seeker, who likes to travel and skydive and try various dangerous things, or would you rather date someone who is more calm and serene?
On one hand, I think I’m already level-headed so finding someone who is just like me might not be a very good idea. On the other hand, I don’t think I can deal with someone who can’t sit still. If I had my way, I’d like to be with someone who is level-headed most of the time, but who also goes crazy in the presence of people he trusts.

5. Do you want to be with someone who’s confrontational and places the problem right on the table, or someone who approaches issues between you in a more careful, gentle way?
I can’t work out with someone who is confrontational because I have a lot of pent-up anger. I’d rather be with someone who doesn’t beat around the bush and presents the problems in a clear structure, but doesn’t go around looking for a fight all the time.

6. Would you rather date someone who’s interested in a very active social life, with parties and events and activities every other night, or someone who’s more of a homebody, and prefers to stay in with you or hang out in smaller, quieter groups?
It would be interesting to date someone with an active social life, because I keep a very small circle of friends. I only hope he won’t insist on bringing me with him as he goes on all these parties, because that might eventually cause our breakup.

7. Would you rather be with a night owl or an early bird?
I’d rather be with an early bird. I believe body rhythms, much like time zones, are one of those relationship aspects that work best when they’re identical.

8. Do you want to be with someone who prefers to watch comedies or dramas and thrillers?
Dramas and thrillers, so I can watch with him. I don’t like most comedies.

9. Do you want someone who is deeply romantic – someone who is always open about their feelings and likes to be tender and affectionate? Or would you rather be with someone who is more mysterious, subtle, and slow to reveal their emotions, but still feels things all the same?
Definitely the type who doesn’t reveal emotions too often. If a guy kept telling me that he loved me, I’d definitely think something bad is about to happen to our relationship.

10. Is it more important for them to be able to make you laugh, or for you to feel like you can have an intellectual conversation with them?
For me, deep conversations are what I’d like to have. I think it would be tiring to be ‘intellectual’ all the time, especially with a person you hang out with most of the time, but I’d still like the type of conversation that makes you feel like you never want it to end.

11. Would you rather be with someone who has all the same interests as you – same favorite movies, same hobbies, same taste in music, etc? Or do you want to be with someone who’s the complete opposite of you so that you can introduce each other to new things?
It would be nice if we can introduce each other to new things. I wouldn’t like it if we liked the same stuff, because I like to compartmentalize my life and dating someone who is also close friends with my hobby friends would be weird. I can introduce the things I like to him. He can introduce the things he likes to me.

12. Does religion matter? Would you rather end up with someone who practices the same religion that you do, or are you flexible in that area?
I can’t be with anyone who doesn’t respect my religion. Also, if we’re ever going to have kids, I would insist on raising them to follow a religion – preferably mine.

13. Would you rather be with someone who wants to move all over the place, live in various cities, and constantly be exploring? Or would you be happier with someone who’s interested in building a life in one single place for a long period of time?
My dream for myself is to have a house with a garden, trees, and pets. I can’t do that if I’m to move around all the time. So if someone is committed to being with me, we might have to consider staying put somewhere for a long, long time – possibly forever.

14. Are you more interested in someone who likes to plan out date nights, from the happy hour to the restaurant to the after-dinner venue? Or do you want to be with someone who is more spur-of-the-moment?
I like things structured so it would be nice if I knew what to expect right off the bat.

15. Do you need to be with someone who’s completely independent and often in need of their own space, or someone who’s a little more co-dependent and likes to do things together, frequently?
I can’t be with someone clingy. I need someone who can live without me, but still wants to be with me anyway.

16. A wine-and-beer kind of drinker, or someone who prefers cocktails? Does it matter to you?
I don’t care.

17. Would you rather be with someone who’s really into playing sports and doing physical things, or someone who prefers activities that don’t involve hand-eye coordination?
I’d like to be with someone who moves. It doesn’t matter if he’s into woodworking, carpentry, or gardening as long as he likes to move around.

18. Do you want a nature-lover who enjoys being outside as much as possible in big open spaces, or someone who’s more of a city person?
I’d like to meet a city person who appreciates the beauty of nature.

19. If you go on vacation together, would you rather be with someone who will lay on the beach with you all day, drinking margaritas and reading books, or someone who will be active with you, and is ready to go surfing or parasailing at the drop of a hat?
Someone who moves around a lot, definitely. We’re on vacation! What’s the point of lazing around with a book when you’re on vacation?

20. Are you more interested in the person who’s the life of the party, in the center of the circle making everyone laugh, or the person sitting calmly in the back, who strikes up a conversation with you and intrigues you from the start?
It would be nice to be with the life of the party. I’m interested in people who open themselves to all sorts of new things, new friends, and new experiences. Although who’s to say the quiet guy isn’t the adventurous type?

21. Do you want to be with someone who will indulge in your guilty pleasures, such as watching trashy reality shows and eating peanut butter out of the jar, or someone who is more of an upbeat go-getter?
I like being pushed, so I’d prefer to be with someone who’s a go-getter. Hopefully though, he’ll understand that there are just some days when I need to spend the day in bed.

22. Are you looking for a passionate, intense Noah-and-Allie from The Notebook situation, or something equally as strong but more silly and quirky, such as Leslie-and-Ben from Parks and Recreation?
Neither. Can’t I just have an ordinary, level-headed relationship?

23. If you’re in the mood to watch a movie, do you want someone who’s going to go out to a theater with you at eleven o’clock at night, your bags stuffed with candy from Walgreens, or would you prefer someone who will eat homemade popcorn with you while you watch a movie from the comfort of your own home?
I’d like to watch movies at home. So we can talk over the dialogue if it gets too boring.

24. Does it matter if they’re a cat person or a dog person or none of the above?
He has to accept that I’m a cat person. If he has dogs, his dogs will have to be friends with my future cats.

25. Do they have to be a neat-freak, or are you more comfortable with someone who’s laid-back when it comes to household duties and overall messiness?
I can’t be with a neat freak. We’ll break up after a week.

26. Are you looking for someone who’s going to order take-out and and sit on the floor with you every night while you guys eat it in front of the tv, or someone who’s interested in preparing somewhat-healthy, homemade meals multiple times a week?
I’ll be the one to prepare the somewhat-healthy homemade meals. All he has to do is eat them. I don’t like take-out. Plus, it’s more expensive in the long run.

27. Do you want a book-lover or a movie-watcher?

28. Would you have more fun with someone you can argue and debate with, or someone whose opinions lie in a similar area to yours?
It would be nice to argue with someone calmly.

29. Would you rather be with someone who wants to have a big family, or someone who’d like to really think about it and maybe have one or two children?
I don’t think I can handle more than three kids.

30. Do you need to be with a cuddler and all-around consistent spooner, or someone who prefers to roll to the other side of the bed when you go to sleep so that you both have plenty of space?
I’d just like to be with someone whose hand I can hold without being too close.


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